Dr Conrad: The Movie – Official Script 1st Draft
WRITTEN BY: ROBERT CROSSLEY AND BEN HANSON
Scene 1: ‘Prologue’
(Scene opens in a darkened room, camera sees silhouette of man in a spinning chair using arm actions as if stroking a cat on his lap.)
Dr. C: (Walks on set.) “Ah, we meet again, Goliath.”
Goliath: “Good Evening Mr. Conrad.”
Dr. C: (Slight anger with a twang of hate.) “It’s Dr. Conrad.”
Goliath: “(Sarcastically.) “Ooo, I do apologise.”(Spins round in chair to reveal that he is grating a block of cheese.)
Dr. C: (Confused)” Why with the block of cheese?”.
Goliath: (Sadly, slowly) “Well, my cat … died, and I, er couldn’t afford a new one.”
Dr. C: (Understanding) “I understand, it happened to friend, yes (pause) In fact, you killed him, and I am here to kill you.” (Raises gun at Goliath’s head.)
Goliath: “Tragic, tragic”.
Dr. C: “What is tragic?”
Goliath: “Would you like some cheese on toast?”
Dr. C: “Toast?”
Goliath: “Yes, Toast.”
Dr. C: “Toast?”
Goliath: “Yes, Toast.”
Dr. C: “Toast?”
Goliath: (Angrily) “YES, TOAST!”
It all goes quiet for a minute
Dr. C: “So… what’s tragic?”.
Goliath: “The fact that you will never get the chance to pull that trigger.”
Dr. C: (Looks at him puzzled.)
Goliath: (Shoots Dr. C with a stun gun hidden in the box of grated cheese. Scene blacks out.)
Scene re-opens still in a darkened room, Dr. C is tied to a table with a laser pointing at him, like the famous scene from Goldfinger.
Dr. C: (Slightly Dazed.) “Do you expect me to talk?”
Goliath: (Slight pause and a contemplating expression. Raised voice.) “NO MR. CONRAD, I EXPCET YOU TO DIE!!!” (Laughs manically, stands back to watch.)
Dr. C: (Struggles for a bit, while the laser is getting closer to him, eventually he becomes free, grabs the gun on the table next to him and shoots Goliath.) “The name is Dr. Conrad.”
SCENE ENDS
Scene 2: ‘Credits’
Credits roll
Scene 3: ‘Who Is Roger Jetski?’
Scene fades on to show the front of house, we first see Roger Jetski in a suit, stood at the back entrance with an earpiece in one ear.
Roger J: (Into radio mic). “I’m ready to go in”.
Radio: “Careful Roger, we have an unknown number of hostiles present”.
Roger J: “I get ya, when can I go in?”
Radio: “On our count Roger, 3…2…1. GO-GO-GO!!”
Roger J: (Kicks the door, the top part opens, but the bottom part stays shut, Roger J falls over the bottom part of the door into the house.) “Shit”.
Roger J raids the house.
SCENE ENDS
Scene 4: ‘Finding Roger Jetski’
Scene opens on Dr. Conrad typing on a computer, he his searching for a new assassin.
Dr. Conrad: “A-ah” (Looks interested, leans close to the computer screen.) “I will recruit this man as my assassin”. (Dials number into phone.)
We see Roger Jetski, his phone rings with the Dr. Conrad theme tune.
Roger Jetski: (Answers phone) “Hello”.
Dr. Conrad: “Hello, Zis is Dr.Conrad”.
Roger Jetski: (Puzzled) “Do I know you?”
Dr. Conrad: (Continues) “Repeat after me in zis voice”.
Roger Jetski: (Voice changes to mimic Dr. Conrad’s) “Zis voice”.
Dr. C: “Zis is Dr. Conrad.”
Roger J: “Zis is Dr. Conrad.”
Dr. C: “Smash my car and leave it at ze front entrance, then meet me at the back entrance.”
Roger J: “Smash my car and leave it at ze front entrance, then meet me at the back entrance.”
Dr. C: “Put down ze phone.”
Roger J: “Put down ze phone.”
Dr. C: (Slightly more aggressive). “Put down ze phone.”
Roger J: (Slightly more aggressive). “Put down ze phone.”
Dr. C: “Put the bloody phone down”
Roger J: “Put the o, right I see. (Look at camera) “I will go to the front entrance and smash the car to little pieces and go to the back entrance and meet Dr. Conrad, I shall take the express elevator.”
Rodger walks up to the fence, jumps over it, pushes a button and starts to sink into the ground, suddenly the scene changes to Roger J going down in a glass lift in a shopping centre he looks puzzled, the camera pans round so we see him getting out of lift, he walks past the camera, then we see him exiting a small terrace house
“I never knew I had a shopping centre in my back entrance”.
Walks up to a car, and plants a bomb, as he walks away the car explodes, walks back into the house, closes house door, then we see him walk back into the lift and he goes up in it, looking puzzled, then he come back to the fence, he jumps over the fence, runs up the back and enters Bens back garden.
“Hello Dr. Conrad”
Camera looks at the roof of house to reveal Dr. Conrad stood on the roof
Dr. C: “I will be down in er… minute”. (Starts to fumble).
Camera shows Roger Jetski watching Dr. Conrad fall off the roof, then contorts his face to show pain
Roger J: (Concerned) “Are you all right Dr. Conrad?”
Dr C: (Gets up). “Yes, I am fine”.
Roger J: “I smashed your car and left it in little pieces at the front entrance, and then came round to meet you at the back entrance”.
Dr. C: (Puzzled). “Why?”
Roger J: “Because you told me to Dr. Conrad, on the phone.”
Goes quiet for a minute
Roger J: (Shocked). “The building is blowing up!”
They both run in slow motion away from a shed, the shed blows up
Dr. C: “Well, that was close”.
Roger J: “Yes it was, A-ha.”
SCENE ENDS
Scene 5: ‘Missing Research’
Scene opens in a ‘secret lab’ where Goliath is attempting to steal some top secret research
Goliath: (Quietly). “I will steal some secret research!” (Loudly) “Muwahah!”
Guard: “What be with the aim of?” (Looks around). “Be obliged to be my mind’s eye.”
Goliath: (Looks puzzled).
Guard: “The recent past every bit of my predicament seem subsequently far-flung not here.”
Goliath: (Looks puzzled).
Guard: “Achieve not compose illegitimate copies of this discus.”
Goliath: (Looks puzzled).
Guard: “In the direction of generate your have possession of adaptation of this cut-out, desire heading new-fangled broad-spectrum template and plump for this cut-out. Be clear in your mind to designate pattern as the manuscript style in the foundation accurate place”.
Goliath: (Looks puzzled).
Guard: Be you bamboozled, in addition en route for be your comrade?”
Goliath: (Looks puzzled).
Guard: “I motivation not breathe your last breath from masturbation.”
Goliath: (Looks puzzled, shocked, and pretty scared).
Guard: “Lets fritter away time, chasing cars, more or less our cranium.”
Goliath: (Looks un-surprised). “Great.”
Guard: “What be with the aim of?” (Looks around). “Be obliged to be my mind’s eye.”
Goliath: (Pulls out knife, and stabs the guard.) “Muhaha!”
Goliath moves to a computer and ejects a disc). “The secret invisibility codes! All I need now is the blueprints to the invisibility machine.” Camera focuses on some papers next to Goliath which read ‘Invisible Machine Blueprints’
Goliath: (Looks down to side and sees blue prints). “A-ha, how well-situated. I’m a evil genius! Mahwah!”
Goliath gets up and leaves the secret lab
SCENE ENDS
Scene 6: ‘Attack Of The Pigeon’
Dr. C and RJ are walking up a road and randomly a pigeon attacks them, RJ shoots it eventually. Then Dr. C’s communicating device rings
Dr. C: “Ah – ha, my you-x65434567788.0986765554d+ is ringing!”
Roger J: “What is you-x65434567788.0986765554d+?”
Dr C: “Quiet my call is incoming!”
On screen we see ‘The Boss’ talking to Dr. C and Roger J
TB: “A crisis has arisen Dr. Conrad, we need you at B.E.A.M HQ as soon as possible!”
Dr. C: “Ah- right i see, (puts phone back in pocket.) Roger we must go to B.E.A.M HQ!”
Roger J: “Lets go Dr. Conrad! I have a method of transportation that will ensure a swift and safe arrival at B.E.A.M HQ!”
Roger J disappears and appears again with a tandem bike
Dr. C: “I am not getting on that thing.”
Roger J: “Here, take ten quid.”
Dr. C: “Ah-ha, it is really a beautiful bike, i look forward to riding it!”
They ride off into the distance, swerving. Fades out. Scene suddenly burst back on to show that Dr. C and RJ have been pulled over by the police.
Police: (To Roger J) “Right sir, i have reason to believe that you are driving under the influence of alcohol, is this true sir?”
Roger J: “Does this answer your question.” (Starts the side step dance, synchronized with Dr. C.)
Scene suddenly appears in a prison cell, and a mysterious man walks into view.
Dr. C: (With Awe) “It’s… The Boss.”
TB: “Spare with the pleasantries Dr.” (Pauses, sees RJ) “Who the hell is this?!”
Roger J: (James Bond Style). “The name’s Jetski, Roger Jetski.
TB: (Looks slightly flabbergasted at RJ, turns to Dr. C with an expression that demands explanation.) “Conrad, i gave you permission to look for a new assistant, and you turn up with some Ex – MI-6 nutjob?!!!!”
In background we see RJ slap his own forehead, and faint.
Dr .C: (Turns to look at RJ, then back to TB) “Well.. he was cheap.”
TB: “Oh well, fair enough, Conrad an international crisis has arisen, i am to take you back to B.E.A.M HQ immediately.”
SCENE ENDS
Scene 7: ‘Mission Briefing’
Scene opens on B.E.A.M HQ, in a small briefing room. TB takes a chair behind the desk, Dr. C and RJ take two chairs in front of the desk.
TB: “Gentlemen, a crisis has arisen, 24 hours ago Terrorists broke into the ‘MicRom Military Research Plant’ in Humberside, England, although collateral damage was at an minimum, a piece of highly sensitive nano-technology was stolen. ‘MicRom’ had been working on a nano-tech ‘cloaking device’ for several years, this enables the user to become invisible to the naked eye. Now MicRom have told us that an injection with one of the ‘pods’ makes a person invisible, the time controlled by a central computer, one injection pod makes one person invisible, 20,000 have gone missing. The terrorists have told us unless we bow to their demands, their invisible army will attack key places on the globe.”
Dr. C: “I see, anyone we know?”
TB: “You know him very well Conrad, its Goliath.”
Dr. C: “Impossible! I killed him eleven years ago!”
TB: “Eleven years ago yesterday, Goliath says this is…revenge.”
Dr. C: “Shit, what do they want?”
TB: “Two hundred billion pounds, a private island measuring 2 by 2 miles, and you… dead.”
Dr. C: “Oh dear. Surely they don’t have the man power to launch such an attack.”
TB: (Hands Dr. C a huge folder.) “This is a list of 20,000 missing persons, from all over the globe, they all went missing in the last 24 hours.”
Dr. C: “He is not messing about.”
TB: “No, he isn’t, gentlemen, this mission has got security level black on it,” (To RJ) “That’s top level covert.” (Back to both) “This mission is highly dangerous, but the world depends on it. So, your mission details are as follows: find the central computer Goliath is using and stop the invisibility cloaks, release the 20,000 captured, and kill Goliath.”
Dr. C: “Cant Randal And Hopkirk do this one?”
TB: “No, they’re deceased.”
Dr. C: “Oh, ok. But this time I wont miss Goliath.”
TB: “Don’t make this about revenge, it will ruin your mission if you do, do it to save the lives of innocent people. Call at Crazy Jimbo’s for your weapons and anything else you need. Good luck gentlemen.”
Dr. C and Roger J get up and walk out.
TB: “One more thing.”
Dr. C & Roger J: “What?”
TB: “Don’t get deaded.”
Scene Blacks Out. Scene reopens in ‘Crazy Jimbo’s, basically a shed with stuff in it.
SCENE ENDS
Scene 8 – ‘Crazy Jimbos’
Dr. C and RJ walk into a shed, filled with random stuff, crazy jimbo is a mad scientist who looks about 6 mile.
Dr. C: “There is no-one here, ah-ah!”
CJ (Suddenly appears on set. High pitched voice.) “Hello Dr. Conrad, and you must be…”
Roger J: “Jetski, Roger Jetski.”
CJ: “Well, Jetski, Roger Jetski…”
Roger J: “No its just Rog…”
CJ: “No don’t worry, i kept the receipt.”
Dr. C and Roger J look puzzled.
Dr. C: “What are you talking about?”
CJ: “Hasn’t the price of jam suddenly gone up?”
Roger J: “Why yes it has actually, i was in tesco’s yesterday buying jam, and i thought bloody hell that’s expensive!”
CJ: “You strange man, any way, you’re here to pick up weapons and gadgets, Dr. C i’m equipping you with a Desert Eagle handgun, please note this is extremely powerful, i will demonstrate!”
We hear a helicopter overhead, CJ Points a gun into the air and fires gun.
That was an exclusive preview in what never came to be, the Dr Conrad Movie Script, final draft until the production was cancelled, likely in the interest of all who’d have to view it.
© RKUK Entertainment Productions 2007 – 2009
BEHANN 